I always feel terrible whenever I eat McDonald's. And not terrible in the "the amount of artery-clogging matter I just ingested is truly staggering" way, but the "oh god, I'll never be able to look real food in the eyes after this" way. There are few things I love more than food; understandably, inhaling a cost-effective but otherwise disgusting Big Mac leaves me feeling like a college freshman as the Girls Gone Wild bus pulls away. Sure, they'll cover up your nipples with stars, but what's the difference? The damage is done. Any future consolation is eschewed by how dirty you feel in the moment and immediately after. Considering how morally reprehensible chowing down on McD's makes me feel, you'd think I'd stop eating it, but it's two blocks away from work and it's going to be one hell of a tech week.

Stomach, get used to tasty Dollar Menu degradation. Economic recession makes parsimonious fatties out of us all, it seems. Who am I kidding? Their Southern Style Chicken Sandwiches are fucking delicious.